Right love at the wrong time

Everyone of us is in search of one true love. We all embark on a journey to find our happily ever after. Among the billions of people in the world we want to know whose heart perfectly fits ours. In finding the person God designed for you, love and time should coincide. You don’t need to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. You don’t also need to say ‘yes’ to every man you meet just to make sure that you don’t miss your chance to meet your Mr. Right. Timing in love is everything. Right love at the wrong time is wrong love.

There’s a right time for everything and a season for every activity  under heaven. As a farmer wait patiently for the spring season, we can’t rush love like a fruit picked green or flower plucked before it blossoms. Our attempt to rush things can ruin its potential. Each season of our lives has a different emphasis, focus and beauty.

In my own journey of Love, I have met several men in different time and space, they all made my heart fluttered, they all have the qualities I’m looking for in a man, but timing will make a big difference because only time knows the true worth of love.

My Brother’s best friend

I remembered the first time I felt butterflies in my stomach when I saw my brother’s best friend walked in the door of our house when I was seven. I had a huge ‘crush’ on him that instant even before I knew what that word really meant. He was very nice and charming; he always does his homework with my brother after their class. Until one day, he stopped coming. I don’t know why, but as time passed by he was soon forgotten by my innocent and naive heart as I became too preoccupied with playing with my friends and savoring my sweet childhood days.

The boy next door

When I was twelve, I felt my heart skipped a beat, it was as if love at first sight when I laid eyes on the cool and attractive boy next-door when our family moved to another city. We became friends and we got along so well. His very funny and kind, I like spending time with him but I don’t why but after days, weeks and months the feeling soon withered. Maybe we are better friends than lovers or it was just indeed a puppy love since we were so young back then.

My geek seatmate

Then, it was when I was fifteen that I felt the whole world stops and stare for a while just like a scene in a movie when my long time crush, a geek, handsome, quiet guy seated next to me became my partner in our dance class. I felt like I was in cloud nine. But I don’t know why because the feeling soon disappear. In my fantasies, he was like a prince riding in a white horse but I realized he was not actually a prince but just a mere human with flaws and imperfections. My attention also shifted to see a bigger world waiting for me as I step out from the gates of my school.

Then here comes College life, when you will feel like you’re not pretty when you don’t have a boyfriend. You will see lovers everywhere; couples that look like match made in heaven, holding hands while walking, or being so lovey-dovey in the hallway and those who kiss and make out on the corner, publicly displaying their affection.

At that time, I started to muse lazily on love. Thinking perhaps it was the right time to enter in a relationship and to experience how it feels like to have a boyfriend. I began to search for someone who will fill the emptiness I feel, its as if there’s a hole inside my heart that longs for affection.

Our College Basketball rookie

Then, I met our College basketball rookie. His tall, dark, handsome, and not to mention smart and athletic. I watched all his games like a girl head over heels in love, cheering and giving him my support but I don’t know why but the feeling was soon replaced by something else. Perhaps, because he was indeed a ladies’ man and it’s just a one-sided attraction and somehow I realized it’s just normal to be infatuated to a popular guy, and what I feel for him is not real.

The man who has always been there

Then I turned 18, the age when teenagers are wild and out of control, following their raging hormones, wanting to assert their independence and explore their limits, taking risks, breaking rules, and rebelling against their parents.

I gave this man a chance to prove himself to me. I know that He exists and that He has always been there for me. But I was so busy and and too preoccupied with my own things. But through it all He never leaves me nor forsakes me. He never pushes himself to me, he never forced me to like him. He didn’t give me any conditions. He just waited until I’m ready to accept Him. This man showed me what true love is.. patient, unconditional and pure. A love that doesn’t rejoices with wrong things but rejoices with the truth. A love that always protects, always hopes and always perseveres. A love that expect nothing in return and is not selfish or self-seeking. He showed me what true love is when I saw him beaten, humiliated and ridiculed at the cross because of me although I am undeserved, unworthy and a sinner. I was amazed by that kind of love, unrelenting, unwavering, unyielding – and because of that love, I found myself on my knees.

The Nice Guy

After I committed to enter in a relationship with God for real, I met a nice guy. He is already working while I was still a student. He buys me gifts and he was very thoughtful. He is also very responsible and family oriented. He confessed his feelings for me, but I resolved to say no. In my heart I have three reasons why: firstly, I’m still a student, at that time, I’m already firm with my conviction not to awaken or arouse love until He desires, until the right time comes. Secondly, He maybe a good option but not the best choice. I made up my mind that before I enter into any romantic relationship, both of us should have a relationship with God first. Because its hard to be faithful to a man who is not even faithful to God. And lastly, I tested him to tell his intentions to my parents but he lacks the courage. A man who can’t face your parents can’t really stand and fight for you until the end.

Now, I’m 22 as I looked back in my life. I saw how He preserved not just my life but my heart. He opened my eyes that there’s a right time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven.  As a farmer wait patiently for the spring season, I can’t rush love like a fruit picked green or flower plucked before it blossoms, because my attempt to rush things can ruin its potential. He revealed to me that above all else I should guard my heart and not just to it give to anyone who showed interest on me or to someone I just met. And that my heart is deceitful, there is no sure guarantee that what I feel right now will still be the same tomorrow and on the coming months and years to come. Love is not just an emotion, it’s a decision and a commitment because the danger of believing that you ‘fall in love’ is that you can also ‘fall out of love’.